When your wife says "fine", what does she really mean? What about when she says, "I'm not mad"? Do you think she is really giving you permission when she says, "do whatever you want"? Take a moment to review the simple guide below to learn what your wife really means.
(Keep in mind that this is just for fun and based on a lot of funny stereotypes. Maybe you relate and maybe you don't. This does not define women or suggest that women can't communicate with their husband. It also does not mean that men are dumb and can't listen to their wife. Just read, laugh, and be entertained.)
“Fine” = Not fine and the conversation is over.
“Do whatever you want” = Don’t do it…don’t even think about doing it.
“Are you going to wear that” = Change now.
“I need space” = This one is actually pretty clear…leave her alone! Just slide some chocolates under the door and go downstairs to your man cave. If you have kids take them out of the house and give her some alone time.
“I’m almost ready” = This means nothing. She has absolutely no time scale rationale when she says this. It could mean 10 minutes and it could mean an hour. Just leave her alone and be patient.
“You don’t have to, but…” = Do it…don’t question it. Just do it.
“We need to talk” = I need to talk and you need to listen and obey
“We’ll talk about this later” = I’m too pissed to talk to you right now. Don’t push her buttons on this.
“It’s pretty” = I don’t like it
“Nothing” = The world is about to implode. EVERYTHING is wrong.
“Whatever” = I’m pissed and I don’t want to look at or talk to you right now.
“It doesn’t matter” = It really matters
“I don’t care” – I really care
“I forgive you” = I’m going to use this against you when you make a mistake…which will likely be in 5 minutes.
“Does this make me look fat” = Am I fat? When this question is asked you must not hesitate and you must not look at her body. Just look in her eyes and give her a firm “no” as fast as you can. If you look at her body or hesitate you are screwed.
“Are you hungry?” = I am hungry. She is not really asking you. Just ask her what she would like to eat.
“I’m not hungry” = I am hungry but I’m going to get a salad because I’m trying to eat healthy. Be prepared for her to pick food off of your plate.
“I don’t care where we eat” = I have something in mind but I don’t know what it is so you better figure it out for me and let me know. Good luck man, there are a lot of places to eat.
“She is beautiful” = She is more beautiful than me. Whatever you do, don’t look at the other woman. Just respond instantly with, “not as beautiful as you”.
“Do I look ok?” = Please tell me I am beautiful and that I look stunning right now!
“I don’t have anything to wear” = I am fat and I look terrible in everything.
“I just think it’s funny how…” = I am clearly upset and you should apologize.
“I look terrible today” = You don’t compliment me enough.
“You don’t need to get me anything” = You better get me something even though I’m telling you not to. This is a direct test of your love.
“How was your day” = I want to reconnect with you
“What are you doing today” = I’ve got something for you to do today
“Thank you” = Thank you
“Thanks a lot” = I’m mad
“Please do” = Do it NOW!
“I’m sorry” = I’m empathizing with you but nothing is my fault.
“I’m tired” = Don’t touch me
“What did you say?” = You better rephrase what you said or I will shank you.
“I’m really busy right now” = back the eff off.
“I’m not mad” = I’m very mad
“Don’t worry about it” = I can’t count on you
“Maybe” = No
“We’ll see” = No
“Yes” = there is a small chance
“No” = No. Don’t even question it.
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